my husband has no empathy when i'm sick

There's definitely a disconnect. 1. I had started a new job so I could not take him to get his surgery, but I did leave work early, come home and take care of him, make chicken soup, the whole deal. The texting got out of hand and the rest is history. It wont solvefor the dishonesty (and just found a new credit card). I always wished I had the guts to leave him but the codependencykept me there. I told him I am sick but he tells me to get rest and took off to entertain himself. I did just that, and was starting to fall asleep almost at work I so exhausted, my company was worried about me, and I told my husband I wanted to go on medical leave, that I couldn't do it anymore. That's just great! This means you may think it's obvious when you need a hug or some connection, but they may not 'see' it. I do believe he loves me. What the research says about cognitive empathy. I had to pay out of pocket to see a naturopathic doctor trained by ILADS(it is the best training for Lyme disease and tick borne infections treatment.) Ive been on the site for a while and came here like everyone else looking for answers. This is the extent of OUR now/not now difference when it comes to love. I hear you, I cant count the number of times my husband made it very clear that myillness was a hughinconvenience for him there was no thought to how it made me feel. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. I truly don't think he SEES the damage that all of this caused me AND him, mainly because he still doesn't think his ADHD has that much affect on our daily lives. Any time I am not at 100% to run the household, restock the coffee, cook meals, put the kids to bed, do the laundry, etc. This is what it's been like living with my ADHD husband as well. How to tell if your boyfriend has no empathy - Quora But the way to stay unique and independent is to define when you will connect, rather than wait for him to notice at any time. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. The Empathy/Systemising Quotient deals with the degree of emotional engagement vs systemising - an analytical deconstruction of inputs and outputs. yikes!! I want to say Thank you for sharing your story. I am better than begging and I am tired of it. I offered to set it up on his phone but of course he won't relinquish his phone, which is another story, and the primary basis of my divorce request. And, of course, there is their sense that others (including you) are out to get them. Anger, Frustration & ADHD I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. I am, however, hesitant, super hesitant, to engage when 90 percent of what comes out of his mouth is a lie. This Is Why Your Partner Has No Empathy & Acts So Cold Don't let the ADHD make you feel any worse you need the peace and quiet to recover gently. Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. I've been reading the posts for the last few weeks with great interest. Duped again. In my case (30F , on the ASD) I'm more empathic when it is 1) Very related to me (close friends, my mom and sister) , 2) People or animals that I perceive more vulnerable (a kid or elderly person, abandoned pets, etc) or 3) Funerals or getting diagnosed with cancer (probably because I've lost many relatives to cancer). I learned about myself and learned some hard lessons. He was disgusted. Etc. By John Daum April 1, 2022 You want your spouse to be fully present with you in your feelings, thoughts and situations in life. Yes, he also doesn't notice if I've become disconntected - I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. ).the instant I said I didn't feel wellshe put her hand on my forehead.went..OMGgot a thermometer and took my temperature.as one might think one should do in a situation like that? However, I work andtake care of the house and the kids. My husband never realized what was happening right under his nose. He made me pay that year for leaving. It is obvious that ADD people rarely change for any measurable amount of time. It always boils down to me getting sick on purpose! Later Ilet him know I am very sick and need some help. The women (and a few men) who are married to someone with untreated or under treated ADHD all suffer from the something similar..A lack of love. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity. ", Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 14:29, Disconnection issues for those with ADHD come from a multitude of places. But, again, that is in the "now", but what about the "not-now"? Blank and emotionless with no expression at all? An the cycle continues. Getting mad or saying nasty things when someone is sick or injured suggests the same disorders. I am ok. I couldn't really walk for awhile either. All 3 of her children had severe issues, which she blamed on them. Sometimes, he can be vindictive in a passive way, like after I left him for that one month. My [33F] Husband [35M] has no empathy. : r/relationships - Reddit Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. I gave him other numbers to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside. I started treatment and with the antibiotics and things you get sicker before you start healing. He doesn't want to connect it with his choices of not doing relationships very well, if at all. "My husband has no empathy" - Has she got this right? He wrote me a letter saying how he fell in love in college, and she left him, and he didn't want to feel "that hurt" again, so he basically shut "that part" of himself down, so that he wouldn't FEEL that. Love, to me, is caring about the welfare of something and wanting to put in the effort and time and attention for it to grow and survive. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:07. But what happens when they don't show empathy? We have struggled during our 4 year relationship. (maybe?). Which to that, I feel he used me to have someone to marry and to love HIM, but he knew he wasn't going to return that. Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. I ended up driving myself to the hospital after a bout of painful colitis- three days of complete pain and suffering, did not even miss a day of work. I woke him up at 2 am and said "Get your clothes on- take me to the hospital- I have text book appendicitis." I have learned from him that I have always mothered him and even though I am awesome, I have given so much with littleeffort in return because he is hyperfocused on his priorities. Sometimes they have had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner. he gets very angry. He was so sick he couldn't even think well enough to do his homework. He is Extremely self centered, has No Empathy or Sympathy for anyone except himself. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. God, family/friends, my job, my health and then him. ADHD, doesn't give you the liberty of that most of the time. Can a Relationship Recover From Resentment? | Psychology Today He is Always the "Victim" and Everything is Always My Fault! We havent heard from you in a while, and Im hoping you are ok. "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". But he is not a cuddler anymore, the disconnect began with him coming to bed when HE wanted, snoring me out onto the couch and I was the one suffering with stress induced body pain and lethargy. Don't Take Their Anger or Judgments Personally 2. But if I need or expect something maybe not so much because it wont register as now/love but as someone upset whether the upsetedness is valid or not. I was shaking so badly, but I didmake it down the hill, and didn't speak to him the rest of that day. So yes, I was sick and I gave myself the day and decided to go to work where I am around normal people that dote on me. My H, and many others, expect love, support, attention and all the good stuff without being self aware enough to understand that they are not giving it in return and become very angry when it's not provided. He lovesfamily when they are joking with him, but not if they need him. I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. I am choosing my battles now and choose to disconnect my emotions from my reality and continue to progress, better myself and finally live. Empathy is the ability to understand and share emotions and feelings with other people. It's "his" problem, and it's mostly a "focus" problem he thinks. It's not just the ADHD, but he won't go get a full evaluation. I love(d) H, and love (past, present and future)our children, our grandchildren, art, my business, my home. out of the basement and towards you) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed. I was about to turn 40 and here I was watching a grown man turn red in the face, speak horribly to himself for a broken scraper. Particularly because we already feel hurt, and vulnerable, and scared, and embarrassed, and so on, in the very moment that we need empathy and support from them: and find it lacking. Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. My Husband Is Not Affectionate or Romantic : 15 Things to Do - Marriage.com When someone is sick or injured.I'm first respondentjust so you know? If you talk about how he's not connecting with you and that's disappointing to you, the issue is HIM. Absolutely no sympathy from husband when I'm sick! Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:19. H, has two basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER. That's not even in my nature.". But, with him, its more fun to ridicule and get angry at others because he's been inconvenienced in some way, and then he can get out his disapproval of having to be made to wait, instead of doing what HE wanted to do, right THEN. My In-laws and husband were there, along with our daughter. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. it's not the same as OCD. With my dh, he doesn't react well to any kind of situation when his filters are down (and always always at home) -- there was that time when I fell against a window in a freak accident -- breaking my humeris and dislocating my shoulder on the radiator at the same time. Lol. This becomes a real problem for me in one area especially. But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). Pleasure. Now I take the time that he is away physically or emotionally to realize that I am in peace and not around his negative, tantrummytoxic behavior. I felt so good in the beginning, the wanted to die from the guilt and then angry when I realized I was even more codependent with this guy. Isn't THAT ironic? But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. It was my truck. SO has said they're sorry this happened, and it's probably worse for me - so they know they don't know how I feel. You also don't have a role model to teach or even show you HOW to connect. WHAT? My memories hold no feelings of love because I am not experienceing them right now. This is a personality disorder. I can not tell you how much I can relate to you and everyone else that has posted. Husband admitted he has no empathy towards me Husband and I have been having a few issues - for basically the entire of our marriage (49M44F 20 yrs married). Submitted by overwhelmedwife on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 06:05. He hates the snow. Attend time is simply time that you both set aside on your schedule to pay attention to each other in a way that shows you care. First, BE a person with whom he would be dying to connect. 1. What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband I guess he didn't want to try facebook or instagram messaging because then she'd see what he's up to. Unreal. There is a lot going on in that active brain and it takes a lot of inward attention to keep going. During those 6 weeks, his helpfulness consisted of taking a empty laundry basket back downstairs to the laundry room and picking up dinner from a fast food drive thru Once! There is no right way or wrong way to do it. Feeling so scared of what lies ahead. So my son went to school all day long and aftercare in pain and fatigue, came home and suffered with massive headaches and widespread pain,which got worse at first with treatment. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:36. Lack of intimacy from your husband, experiencing emotional disconnection in marriage, and feeling neglected by your husband leads to an inability to share each others' lives together. Instead he walked around the car, got in the back seat and proceeded to yell at me for the next 15 min about how "he does not have time for this" & "why did I call him(my husband) and not my sister or my niece". I was "out of commission" for 6 weeks. Those of us who marry into it, with the person NOT thinking their ADHD is that big of a deal, create a lot of consequences for themselves AND for us, since in marriage "two become one". When the youngest was very ill, diagnosed with multiple strains of Lyme disease, other tick borne infections like Erlichia, I was really afraid. People with ADHD don't have to miss movies because they lose track of timethey just have to learn toset alarms. Signs Your Spouse is a Covert Narcissist - Marriage Counseling Philippines To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. In fact, it seems to be my fault! I thought that he maybe would try harder. Now he is fine with it, he got used to it and I feel its because I did not cave in to the codependency. I actually yelled at him, told him how selfish he is. It can manifest both emotionally or physically. The one hoarding in the place you are trying to sell? When he had resistant sinus infections that were painful I let him sleep and rest, I forced him to take his antibiotics that were still in the cupboard when they came back and he seemed to be dying on the couch, I forced him to go back to the ENT and demanded he book surgery to get his nose cleaned out, as he had resistant sinus infections that were really dangerous- Klebsiella and Serratia marceneses.
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